How do I begin to change?

Here I am, 35 years old and I am finally ready to make major changes in my life. I want to become healthy. Healthy can be so many things for so many people. Right now, being healthy for me means that I am going to make a lot of changes physically and mentally and emotional so I can be the kind of person that I want to be.

My physical goals:

1) Lose 50 pounds

2) Learn to prepare my meals in advance

3) Cook healthy meals for my family

4) Drink 64 oz of water each day

5) Live 'sugar free'

6) Try new physical activities (tennis, swimming, ballet, hip hop etc.)

7) Run at least one 5k

8) Never, ever, ever give up.

Here I am as of last Friday with my cute preschooler. I am fifty pounds overweight. I am starting near the 200 lbs mark.

This is where I want to be in 16 weeks (March 2015) down to 175 poundss.

This is where I would like to be by August 18, 2015, our 15th anniversary. I would love to be back down in the 150-160 range (and my hair a bit longer too.) ;)

We are planning a trip to San Diego or Cancun with just the two of us for a few days and I would love to feel sexy again while I am at the beach.

My mental goals: 

I have suffered from depression for the last twenty years. As a child I was not the smallest person in my group of friends. I got my full height in 6th grade and always felt so much bigger than everyone else. I wasn't treated to well by people close to me and they said hurtful things. I believed them. I believed for so long that I was not worth anything until I met a great guy when I was in college who honestly treated me better than anyone had my entire life. He made me feel beautiful by the way he talked to me, by the way he looked at me, by the way he went out of his way to take care of me. However, I did not treat myself that way and now 15 years later, I am allowing myself to listen to the negative voices that have become so routine in my head and so I am consistently feeling down and depressed.  The only way to describe it is from this link
http://www.upworthy.com/what-is-depression-let-this-animation-with-a-dog-shed-light-on-it

I hope to become more positive by:

1) Keeping a journal of the things that I am grateful for each day

2) Looking for the positive in each situation

3) When a negative thought comes, immediately writing it down and then letting it go. Once I fill a notebook, then I will burn it! 

4) Doing things for others and getting outside of my own head

5) Opening up my communication with God again and becoming more humble and patient.

My emotional goals:

When I was a kid my mother cooked with pressure cookers because we had a large family and she wanted to have dinner on the table faster. I was always afraid to take the pressure cooker off of the stove. I was so afraid it would blow up in my face.  I feel like sometimes I keep my emotions inside this pressure cooker of my head. I let them build up and build up and then I explode. 

It is important to me to become emotionally healthy:

1) I will have positive thoughts. Positive thoughts turn into positive emotions and positive emotions turn into positive actions and then I will get the positive results that I want.

2) I need to be honest with my husband--when he asks how I am, I need to be truthful-- I had a bad day today and I really hate my hair I need to have it dyed (again), etc. etc.

3) I need to be honest with my kids (when you do this, it makes me upset, please don't do this) etc.

I need more help. Please do your jobs. 

4) I will meet with a counselor once every few weeks to hold myself accountable for my goals. 

I hope to: 

1) Take one day at a time

2) Blog about my journey (good and bad experiences)

3) Make a "to do" list to remind myself each day of my steps toward my goal

4) Reward myself for meeting my goals with anything BUT FOOD. 

4) Enlisting the help of my sister and my therapist for accountability.

5) Making this blog public so anyone who wants to can follow me in my journey. 

Losing weight is just part of my journey. Along the way, I am hoping to 

1) believe in myself again

2) love myself again

3) shed the weight of depression and anxiety

4) become "sugar-free" and release myself of my sugar addictions.

5) find healthier ways to deal with stress

6) become more positive (the kind of person that I like to be around)

Okay so hear is to my new journey!