Day 6

Days 4 and 5 were the weekend and I had a couple sick kids and a lot of chores etc.

I did make me a reward sheet for when I lose some of the weight. I will have to take a picture and post it tomorrow.

However, I did have a mental melt down last night. Even now that I am trying to recall it, it seems so stupid. It was just allowing the negative thoughts to step in and take over. I tried to write them down, but man they were nasty! I felt so horrible. I really wanted to run away, but it is hard to run away when you hear the negative voices in your head wherever you are.  I was in tears as I tried to get the negativity out of my head an onto the paper. I have learned though that those negative thoughts are not me. I believe that they are bad spirits that Satan sends to drag me down. In the scriptures it reads, "(Satan) wants all of us to be miserable like unto himself."  He wants to drag us down to his "misery and endless wo."  I was allowing him to attack my physical appearance, my ability to to parent, and my ability to be a good wife to my husband.

I have so much to be grateful for!  I have a body. It may be carrying a lot of extra pounds right now, but it is my body!  I can walk, I can talk, I can sing, I can hold my children, I can see the beautiful world around me, I can feel my husbands arms around me, I can smell the comfort of bread baking in the oven. I do not have any major diseases that rack my body with pain. I really have so much to be grateful for.

My focus needs to really be on getting healthy. Yes, I desperately want to lose weight, but really my true desire is to get healthy.

My main desires are: 

1) To break free from the darkness and walk into the light, to truly be happy.

2) Have more energy

3) To be a better person than I am now. 

I am going to do the following just this week to take steps towards my goals. Planning ahead is good, however, I have found that you have to be flexible when you have kids. Especially when they are sick. 

Physical:

Tuesday: 45 minutes of Zumba (my instructor is the best) One day I hope to be like you Angie. You are absolutely amazing and truely beautiful. 

Wednesday: 45 minutes on the elliptical

Thursday: 45 minutes of Zumba

Friday: 45 minutes the elliptical

Saturday: 45 minutes of Zumba

Write at least one thing every day that I am grateful for, continue to write down negative thoughts and let them out of my mind where they can't fester.